I've got no post planned and probably there is going to be whining.
I can't even tell you how sick and tired I am of my back. It's better and then it's not and then it is and then it's not and then - you get the picture. Please do not comment with any sympathy. I'm sick of myself, and sympathy will make me feel like I'm justified in whining.
I am not.
Also, I am not qualified to raise children. Especially enormous children who are either taller than I am, or almost taller than I am, and are bright and beautiful and complicated and only reluctantly communicative and frankly, terrifying. It's not like I'm scared OF them, I'm scared FOR them, and all the learning and shaping and hurt there is out there just waiting for them. On days when I have much too much time to think (see above re BACK), I can see this hurt stalking them, lying in wait for them (although it may, in truth, be "laying" in wait for them instead - feel free to correct my grammar in the comments, just please, for the sake of my already overactive imagination, do not do it anonymously) and I know that if I don't monitor every single action and interaction, God will not be able to go into this great big world with my child. And certainly I must know everything in order for God to know everything, right? For God to be able to work with them in their pain and insecurities, in their trials AND their triumphs, don't *I* have to be fully informed?
The thing is - I'm actually glad it doesn't work that way. I want a God who can do more than I can. I *need* that God.
I'm just saying - toddlers are tough. I remember that. I remember counting to 17 million and 5 while I waited for someone to decide to stop screaming, lying on their back in a parking lot, while old ladies tried to call 911 for me. But when they're toddlers, you get to be in charge of pretty much ALL the consequences. I don't want to be in charge forever, truly I don't, but I think my Parenting Report Card might, at this moment, read: "Does Not Transition Well." At least my children are super super patient with all that hovering hahahahahahahahahahahahahahhahahahahahahah oh I crack myself up.
You know, right up until I typed this sentence, I didn't know I needed to hear this:
"When they're toddlers, you get to be in charge of pretty much ALL the consequences."
I kind of feel better now.