1.at least she can still remember
how your skin felt beneath her palms
2.at least she still remembers
the way your skin sang
beneath her palms
3.at least she still remembers
the song of your skin
beneath her palms
4. Umm? and you no longer have a day job? Yikes.
Cast your vote below.
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8 comments:
3
2, but I like the 'can' in 1.
2, but I like the 'can' in 1.
Hmmm. I might get rid of the can to make the action seem more immediate.
1. at least she still remembers how your skin felt beneath her palms.
2. This one seems like a POV shift. The "feeler" cannot experience the sensation of singing skin, IMHO. Unless you say, "at least she still remembers the way your skin seemed to sign beneath her palms."
3. No! You're just confusing me.
4. Good job! Keep writing! Be faithful!
A prisoner of hope,
Megan
Oh man, number 3. I'm remembering some skin right now just reading it.
PS~ I nearly called you today. If a little boy hadn't started crying again, I might have actually done it.
I like #3.
number 3. I like the alliteration in line 2, and the simplicity of it all.
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