*not her real name**
** okay, it's her real name, but don't tell anyone
Once upon a time there were some purple pants. They were tickled pink every time they got a chance to scrub the tissue. Thirteen days before Canada Day, they twiddled their nonexistent scar tissue as they servant-heartedly drank their .5 silver platters full of prawns.
(No we have not been drinking, not even seafood.)