*who has done nothing to deserve this, unless you count sitting just across the room from me. See if you can guess which ones his wife helped me with. Oh wait he's helping too.
1) he is currently reading a magazine and ignoring me
2) he does not, to my knowledge, trim his nostril hair
3) he is wearing grey shorts and a grey wifebeater, but he never beats his wife. Not even at cards. I don't even know if it's technically a wifebeater, but I can see his armpit hair.
4) he has a nice wife who has many good qualities but most importantly, she is funny and people should just shut up about all the other stuff already because she just wants someone to get up in public and say she's FUNNY.
5) he wears glasses
6) he has a cavernous belly button
7) his wife just stole his Coke
8) he likes surfing and shopping
9) and getting his hair done (what's left of it)
10) he's really into high fashion
11) and latte
12) and generally hanging around the mall, shooting the breeze
13) his lips and jaw are sexy
14) he likes flowers
15) he likes living close to the mountains
16) he likes cows
17) he likes plants and stuff
18) he has a rubbermaid box filled with cuttings planted in a mixture of coarse sand and vermiculite
19) he slips his snippers and a bottle of water into his pocket when going for walks
20) he loves lasagna
21) he likes Lorna
22) he tolerates his sister-in-law
23) he knows he's having a holiday if he can read for fun
24) and have a snooze in the afternoon
25) he likes making chili
26) he loves raw weiners with ketchup but has learned to eat them in moderation
27) he likes rivers and pretty much any other body of water
28) and rocks
29) and trees
30) he loves his kids
31) and he hardly never yells at them
32) he is quick to do the dishes after a meal (which meal is under debate)
33) he rescued an owl last week
34) he's very, like, strong
35) he's a lot of other adjectives, too
36) apparently he has two nostrils, more than two hairs in those nostrils, and two nostril hair trimmers
37) he married for money
38) he's clean
39) he hasn't showered today
40) he used to have ducks and geese when he was a kid
41) his horse died while he was driving it
42) he lost his wedding ring
43) by accident
44) while he was pruning trees
45) he saw a lynx at the end of his driveway and followed it with his two young sons
46) he has neat handwriting, much neater than his wife's, who has teacher printing that she hates
47) he can spell
48) his wife can still be surprised by flatulence (this is a rephrase of a much longer, sadder story)
49) he should never stay up past midnight
50) there is some debate as to how we are going to react to this post in the morning
51) he hatched woodpecker eggs once
52) his brother once put him a dryer and turned it on
53) which explains his laundry ...fascination
54) sometimes he acts like his Dad
55) he is a hero, and don't make light of it (snogging on the couch - I'm averting my eyes)
56) time to mention family. He's older than his youngest sister, AND his oldest sister.
57) he doesn't really care for hockey (this would be understatement. The big whiner. And he calls himself CANADIAN.)
58) he doesn't get his wife roses, because she likes other kinds of flowers better
59) did I mention he's thoughtful?
60) he slept in the women's hospital
61) he has never had a needle in the butt
62) he's had one root canal, but it wasn't his fault
63) his wife has had none (apparently SOMEBODY thinks this list is about her)
64) his wife didn't follow the lynx because she was mowing the lawn and nobody told her
65) his wife is a Proverbs 33 woman, only less imaginary
66) well, last Sunday he sold a lot of CD's
67) he's irrepressible
68) he's irresponsible
69) good with money, bad with wealth
70) he's never taken a wealth management course of any kind, and foresees no need for it in the future.
71) verbatim from the couch:
L: His favourite flavour is curry.
MB: Shut. Up.
L: He speaks only kind words to his wife.
72) He can't wait to get home and weed the trees.
73) He has a son who picks potato bugs with style and grace.
74) He really admires his sister-in-law.
75) he wears glasses
76) he has more nieces and nephews than you do, and many of them are older than you, too
77) he's not exactly a computer-savvy, a computer ...a ...he doesn't even know what to call computer geeks
78) he decorates his kids birthday cakes
79) he comes when he's called
80) his wife says Umm a lot, especially right now
81) one of his dreams would be start a perennial greenhouse
82) he bought his mother-in-law's farm
83) his favourite cow Blackie died this year. She always came when he called. He called "Come, boss" like his Dad did before him.
84) he talks and walks with his wife.
85) he really draws pretty well
86) he can draw reasonable facsimiles of people. When C was little, the way to keep him quiet in church was to draw cows, so that's what he did. Presumably, they didn't look like people.
87) his youngest son likes to play piano like he does
88) a robin built a nest in his verandah light this year and he didn't destroy it because there was already an egg in it when he discovered it.
89) if it had been a barn swallow, he would have shown No Mercy. And cried about it later.
90) His mother-in-law says he reminds her of her father-in-law, who died when L was 6.
91) Yikes! from the couch potatoes. 91 already! this is followed by accusations that I am making things up.
92) he's brave
93) he is both singing and preaching at his church on July 30, you can all come and listen, if you want to stay for lunch, call ahead.
94) he loves being in the hot tub at his brother's house.
95) he's learned to play Cities and Knights which is remarkable for an old fuddy-duddy like him
96) His oldest son is still up
97) he has two handsome sons. At least one of these sons objects to having his appearance commented on.
98) he likes to walk around outside in the nude, I mean, the rain
99) he likes milk
100) he is moving BACK TO MANITOBA tomorrow and I think that's just plain RUDE.