Friday, December 16, 2005

just for Rachel in sunny Vancouver

(What? the sun was out last week! or so I heard ...)

Yes, Rachel, if you melt chocolate in the microwave too aggressively, you can burn it. In fact, here's something that might happen:

You might be living in California and have a group of friends who think nothing of making enough almond bark for everyone at a 400 person convention, individually packaged. You might have someone figure out that if X # of people volunteer to make bark, each person would only need to make one pan. So the mythical you might think "well how hard can one pan of almond bark be?" and go buy some almonds and white chocolate. Knowing yourself, you might be forward thinking enough to buy twice as much as you need, just in case, but REALLY - how hard can it be?

You might burn the white chocolate to a stinking charred mass the first time. With your next set of ingredients, you MIGHT try to make a double boiler out of a Pyrex measuring cup and a pan of water, and manage to get a few drops of the boiling water in the chocolate. While this will not burn the chocolate, it WILL make the chocolate runny. For Ever.

So you might have to call the lovely retired woman next door to come and look after your children while you run to the store for more chocolate chips. You might try the double boiler thing MUCH MORE CAREFULLY with the third bag of chocolate but you will leave the chocolate on the heat too long and before your disbelieving eyes, the chocolate will suddenly harden and stick its tongue out at you. No amount of threatening to send it to its room will make it pourable. You might be so embarrassed at the thought of going to the Great Bagging of the Bark party without any bark that you will sneak the children into the van and slink off down the street in search of more chocolate.

The fourth time you might get lucky. But that luck might have something to do with trying the microwave again, ten seconds at at time. And your bark might be warm when you get to the party, but you will at least have avoided showing up at a Bark bagging party without any bark because you couldn't handle a TWO INGREDIENT recipe.

And you might never, ever, ever make bark again.

EVER.

8 comments:

darien said...

okay....this is a very good example of why you're a writer....and why I cook when I come to your house ;-)

Anonymous said...

you'll never bark up that tree again, will you ...!!?? ..... BJ

rachel said...

It WAS sunny this past week! And wow, your bark-making travails! I should just SEND you some -- not to rub your nose it it, I mean, but because it is tasty and that may be the only way you'll ever taste it...

Slow'n'Steady said...

And here all these years I was buying almond bark from the store to use for other recipes. Whodathunk you ate it by itself?

Suzanne said...

I clicked over from Rachel's place, and now I'm afraid that I, too, will burn my chocolate. I am just novice enough a baker that I've never actually attempted to melt chocolate. Man. I thought this was going to be easy!

Anonymous said...

The trick is to melt the chocolate with shortening or butter.

http://christmas.allrecipes.com/az/PrmrWhtAlmndBrk.asp

http://christmas.allrecipes.com/az/ChocolateAlmondBark.asp

Anonymous said...

http://christmas.allrecipes.com/az/

PrmrWhtAlmndBrk.asp

ChocolateAlmondBark.asp

Faith said...

Oh, thank you so much for sharing that! I hade burned chocolate chips a million zillion times but I've never written about it so hilariously nor as eloquently as you have. I think I'll blog this...