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Plett Bunch
Ain't we just so purty?
About Me
- Accidental Poet
- Hi. My name is Susan, and I am, in no particular order, a wife and mother and writer and dog-walker. My life belongs to God, and some days I even show that in how I live.
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9 comments:
A duck goes into Shopper's Drug Mart, walks up to the pharmacist and says "hey, give me some chapstick, and put it on my bill".
Why did the ant do a dance on the peanut butter jar? Because it said "Twist to Open".
and the best joke ever...
What do you do when your nose is on strike? You pick it (picket)!!!
Knock-knock.
Who's there?
Orange.
Orange who?
Orange you glad you asked for this joke?
Here's another knock-knock joke...
Okay, you start.
When will you send me my prize?
You haven't won it yet, buddy-boy :)
OK then, how about this one...
Mahatma Gandhi, as you know, walked barefoot most of the time, which produced an impressive set of calluses on his feet. He also ate very little, which made him rather frail and with his odd diet, he suffered from bad breath. This made him .....A super calloused fragile mystic hexed by halitosis.
Subject: SASKATCHEWAN JOKES
The owner of a golf course in Saskatchewan was confused about paying an
invoice, so he decided to ask his secretary for some mathematical help. He
called her into his office and said,
"You graduated from The University of Saskatchewan and I need some help. If
I were to give you $20,000, minus 14%, how much would you take off?"
The secretary thought a moment, then replied, "Everything but my earrings."
{You gotta love those Saskatchewan women.}
__________________________________________________________
A group of Saskatchewan friends went deer hunting and paired off in twos for
the day. That night, one of the hunters returned alone, staggering under the
weight of an eight-point buck.
"Where's Henry?" the others asked.
"Henry had a stroke of some kind. He's a couple of miles back up the trail,"
the successful hunter replied.
"You left Henry laying out there and carried the deer back?" they inquired.
"A tough call," nodded the hunter. "But I figured no one is going to steal
Henry!"
_________________________________________________________
A senior in Saskatchewan was overheard saying .. "when the end of the world
comes, I hope to be in Saskatchewan."
When asked why, he replied he'd rather be in Saskatchewan because everything
happens in Saskatchewan 20 years later than in the rest of the civilized
world.
_______________________________________
The young man from Saskatchewan came running into the store and said to his
buddy, "Bubba, somebody just stole your pickup truck from the
parking lot!" Bubba replied, "Did you see who it was? "The young man
answered, "I couldn't tell, but I got the license number." __________________________________________________________ NEWS FLASH! -
Saskatchewan's worst air disaster occurred when a small two-seater Cessna
150 plane, piloted by two University of Saskatchewan students, crashed into
a cemetery earlier today. Search and Rescue workers have recovered 300
bodies so far and expect the number to climb as digging continues into the
evening. The pilot and copilot survived and are helping in the recovery
efforts.
__________________________________________________________ The Saskatchewan
RCMP pulled over a pickup on Highway 16. The RCMP officer asked, "Got any
ID?" The driver replied, "Bout whut?
___________________________________________________________
We received this memo while we were in north-western Alberta during Spring Break:
From: Department of Fish and Wildlife
To: Anybody venturing outdoors
The Department of Fish and Wildlife is advising hikers, skiers, fishermen, joggers, etc. to take extra precautions and keep alert for bears while in the High Prairie and Slave Lake areas.
The spring weather is causing bears to wake up hungry and in a very nasty mood.
We advise people to wear noise prodicing devices such as little bells on their clothing to alert, but not startle the bear unexpectedly.
We also advise carrying pepper spray in case of an encounter with a bear. It is also a good idea to watch for fresh signs of bear activity and know the difference between black bear and grizzly droppings.
Black bear droppings are smaller and contain berries and possibly some squirrel fur.
Grizzly bear droppings have little bells in them and smell like pepper spray.
So, this guy is driving around with four penguins in the back of his car & he gets pulled over by a policeman. The officer, irate, tells him, "Hey, buddy, take these penguins to the zoo immediately!"
The same policeman is astounded to see the same guy, in the same car, driving around the next weekend with the very same penguins in the back seat. Onlt this time the birds are wearing sun glasses. The cop is amazed and annoyed at the same time. Again, he pulls the guy over and asks, "Hey, didn't I tell you to take these penguins to the zoo!?!"
"Sure," says the driver. "We had such a good time that this week we're going to the beach!"
(P.S. This stateside admirer really appreciated the link to the Amy Lowell poem. I had never read her before.)
so now it's years later and I'm wondering...
who won the prize?
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